if “nowhere” were a place to go, i’d be in luck

I think and I think and I think, but I rarely write. So although a new year’s resolution of mine was to further my writing habit into semi-regularity, I seem to have already subordinated it (once again, and as always) to the capriciousness of my daily life.

That being said, 2011 has already had its first crests and dips, which seem to foretell the coming months. For better or for worse, I’m coming to terms with the understanding that I’m simply not suited for a regular job. I dislike 9-5s, I’m combative with superiors with whom I disagree, and I’m far too self-absorbed to integrate fully with people who don’t share my opinions in some way. So as I continue to live in Taiwan – and every time I come close to tapering down my presence here, another great thing springs to my attention – and obviously I need to support myself, I’m pursuing in real terms my teenage, collegiate, and post-graduate ideal of self-sufficiency.

For 2011, as mentioned in a previous post, I plan to establish myself as a freelancer of well-repute. This is not by itself lucrative although it can become such. As of right now, I have professional (although I hesitate to call myself one) experience in a number of areas in which Western foreigners are preferred (usually English education). These areas are writing, editing, teaching, tutoring, and acting. It’s in these areas that I plan to expand.

I’ve already met with some setbacks and some successes. This past week I signed a contact with an adult teaching company. They’ll provide my ARC and a few hours to begin with, and some room for growth. I’ve sustained my long-term private students, although I’ve missed some opportunities because complacencies (and poor stress management) have occasionally made impressions on the clients. (Another new year’s resolution already gone awry.) In my acting endeavors, a mismatch of personalities among some of the established talent has somewhat isolated me from the other actors. They see me as aloof and recalcitrant; I see some of them as exclusionary and resentful. I attempt to bridge the gap but whenever I try to make an extra effort to turn in a better performance, some of them view it as my attempts to upstage them. Sure, we won’t be winning any academy awards for this stuff, certainly not me; candidly, I don’t think they have anything to worry about from me. I’m the most amateurish of the bunch, and I no longer have youthful charm to charge me along. Then again, I have little sympathy for those who protect their interests solely by maintaining a status quo.

So I haven’t quite found a niche to work in. Instead I find myself trying to carve new ones, which takes a lot of work and doesn’t really tolerate mistakes. So despite my lack of working hours, I recently have felt that I’ve never been busier. I’m also looking for a new apartment and I have about 9 days to pack up all my stuff and find a new one. Just another thing that I’ve gotta make happen.

I’m also considering pursuing higher education. I’ve got the feeling if I can get this freelancing business off the ground and start becoming genuinely profitable on my terms without feeling beholden to any one company for my success, I might be less enthusiastic about the idea. But business for me in Taiwan feels inherently sedentary. I’ll never escape the educational English industry because my Mandarin is crap and I lack the skills and credentials to pursue other interests. However, my recent pursuits have another feel to them – that I’m furthering real personal growth and not just churning out wage hours.

My projects are in their infancy and hardly guaranteed success. But if I can get them off the ground, I believe the skills I’ll learn along the way could really help to take me places. At that point, however, I’m probably going to need a better direction that ‘just up’.